HolidayStuck
by ChellaC
Summary: Erikar fic in which after the game, the kids teach the trolls about winter holidays, & Aradia throws a party. Pure fluff- mistletoe & eggnog shenanigans, last minute shopping, & Porrim causing trouble with her knitting.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: HOMESTUCK BELONGS TO ANDREW HUSSIE.

WHICHEVER HOLIDAYS YOU CELEBRATE, I HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT WINTER!

Karkat pushes through the throngs of tightly bundled last-minute shoppers, nearly slipping on the slick pavement covered in a thin layer of frost. The air is sharp and burns his lungs with each inhalation, puffing out through his chapped lips. He tries not to be too rough with the passerby around him, but he's freaking out, and really, why would you bring your poor kids out here today anyway? It's the day before Christmas Eve, whatever that is.

After winning the game, one of the first things the humans had done was introduce them to their 'winter holidays'. There had been several of them, but Karkat had stopped listening after John launched into a detailed description of something called a Menorah, and Jade spouted something about hanging ornaments on a tree. Honestly, what kind of freakish holiday is celebrated by lighting things on fire and bringing huge trees covered in glass into your hive? Karkat was sick of the giddy anticipation that had slowly spread from the humans to the trolls, like some kind of infection. Sick of snow in his hair, horrible songs blasting from every available radio (not to mention John's singing 24/7) and most of all, sick of this crowd!  
He supposes this mess is his fault, but that doesn't make it any more tolerable. The kids had warned him not to put off shopping until the last minute, but nothing could have prepared him for this insanity. He wouldn't be here at all, if it weren't for his matesprit.

While Karkat had scoffed at the silly holiday shenanigans, Eridan had soaked it up like a sponge. He'd started ditching Karkat to go hang out with Jade and Dave, baking cookies and listening to their horrible music and decorating their house with all manner of hideous lights. And that had been all right with Karkat; he'd never pass up a little peace and quiet. He liked Eridan a lot, really, but he could be…something of a handful. So it was alright, until the kids came to _their_ hive and started with their decorating. Now the place looked like him and Nepeta had exploded all over it, or so he told Eridan of the hideous clashing colors. Eridan had just scowled at him and gone back to talking to Feferi. The two of them had reinstated their moiraillegience, which was surprising, but hardly the most shocking of the post-game matchups.

Karkat had taken refuge with talking to Kanaya, who found the decorations as atrociously tacky as he did, but that didn't last for long before Rose had her joining their Christmas cult too.

Despite all his complaints, Karkat couldn't bring himself to hate the holiday. Everyone was just so damn happy, and he'd be lying if he said he didn't catch himself getting caught in their mood too. When the first snow had fallen, he'd shaken Eridan awake and the two of them had stood outside, silent, watching the snowflakes drift to the ground, where they melted and became soft as the expressions on their faces. Of course, Eridan had ruined it by dumping an armful of snow down Karkat's shirt, but still. Karkat had at least gotten him back- apparently snow does not feel very pleasant against gills.

So here he was, now fighting his way through the mall. While everyone else snuggled up in sweaters with Hot Cocoa, their presents neatly wrapped, he was elbowing an old man out of his way to get into Hollister. (Which he left as soon as he entered. No way was he ever letting Eridan find this store, the troll would probably move in.)

Eventually, after scouring the last meager offerings still on sale, he has found something for everyone but Eridan. Never having been one to admit defeat, however, he doesn't let himself worry- there was always Plan B anyway; it just needs a few final touches.

When he comes home, he finds Kanaya sitting on the couch with Rose.

"Good afternoon, Karkat. I see you had some success?" Kanaya says, nodding to his shopping bags.

"Yeah, hey Kanaya, hey Rose. Nothing for fishface but that's ok, I hope. Knowing him it doesn't matter what I give him, he'll end up bitching about it anyway," Karkat says, ripping off his scarf. It gets stuck on his face and he flails around trying to get it off.

"Real smooth, Karkat. I can see why he can't get enough of you. You've gotta have the ladies and gents lining up with moves like that, longer than the line of crying kids to see mall Santa," says a voice from the kitchen.

"Shut up Strider, no one asked you!" Karkat yells, having finally freed himself.

Dave just shrugs and continues eating a cookie.

"And I still think your 'mall Santa' is the creepiest shit I've ever had the displeasure of being forced to hear about. The ritual of bringing your young to see a bearded stranger is one of the most Satanic things ever."

"No one said it wasn't. But come on Karkat, you've got to love mall Santa. You're committing Christmas treason by not telling him what you want. All you're getting is heaping lumps of coal this year. Some people just don't have the spirit."

"Strider, which one of us is currently wearing a light up headband?" Karkat says, hands on his hips.

"Vantas, don't even lie, you wanna jump me and my Christmas-light headband so bad right now, the only thing stopping you is your hipster boyfriend. Don't hate just because you don't have my style," Dave says, as the bulbs on his headband switch from red to green to gold. Rose stifles a giggle while Kanaya just stares at the gaudy headwear as though it personally offends her.

"Dave, your sense of style is shoved so far up your ass it's sprouted out of your thick skull in the form of that disgusting piece of garbage. And stop eating our cookies, god, you're like a trash compacter! Jade's going to kick you out if you get any fatter."

"Bro, that really hurts. Plus it was kind of gross. Does anyone else think it's getting cold in here? And not from the weather- you're attitude is giving me frostbite all over, everywhere, in places you-"

"Ok, we're done here." Karkat says quickly. Dave puts the half eaten cookie down, surreptitiously turning to the side and checking his reflection in the mirror, pinching the folds of his jacket around his waist. "Stupid Karkat," he mutters. "Everyone knows Christmas calories don't count, god."

"Wait a second, where's Eridan?" Karkat says.

"You just noticed he isn't here?" Rose says.

"Well forgive me if I've been a little preoccupied!" Karkat yells.

"I believe he said he was going shopping. I'm surprised you didn't run into him," Rose replies.

"That little…here I am feeling like the worst matesprit in history, and he's only now dragging his ass to the store! Figures, typical Ampora," Karkat growls.

"Oh, before I forget Karkat, Porrim made this for you. She wanted to give it to you a bit early so you could have it to wear tomorrow for the party," Kanaya says, holding out a package to him.

"Oh, really? That was nice of her; she didn't have to go through all the trouble and wrap- what the fuck is this supposed to be!" Karkat exclaims, his voice climbing an octave. Inside the green paper sits the most awful, glaringly bright red sweater he has ever seen. There is only one thing that could rival how utterly repulsive this garment is, and that's-

"Does she want me to match freaking Kankri?" Karkat growls through gritted teeth.

Rose and Dave openly laugh, while Kanaya tries and fails to disguise her amusement.

She says, "Well, yes, I believe that was her intention. I mean, they're not exactly the same, but,"

"They're close enough! Is this some sick joke?" Karkat says.

"Karkat, that's hardly a considerate way to show your appreciation. I'm sure she put a lot of work into that," Rose says.

"No, she didn't. I can tell this is the second worse thing she's ever made. The first one was never meant to be worn, and this one isn't either," Karkat says.

"Oh, quit whining. She made one for everyone, it's supposed to be an ugly sweater party," Kanaya says.

"Ugly is right, but don't let _him_ hear you say that," Karkat says.

"I think it looks real slick Vantas. I love the stuff Maryam knits me, wear that shit with pride," Dave says.

Karkat just rolls his eyes, setting the sweater on the table next to an empty fishbowl. Its previous inhabitant, a goldfish called Finley, had regrettably passed away the previous week. You could hardly blame the two boys: they could hardly remember to take care of themselves, let alone a pet. But Eridan had still cried for about five agonizing minutes while Karkat awkwardly shoosh papped him. It had been a dark day for them both.

At that moment, Eridan flings open the door.

"Kar you would not believe the amount a- oh, hey Dave, Rose, Kan… Karkat what is that _thing?"_

"Don't worry Eridan, Porrim made you one too," Kanaya says, handing him a bright purple sweater. He holds it up incredulously.

"You gotta be kiddin me."

When unfolded, it comes down to only just above his hips, half the length of a normal shirt.

"She said she figured you'd only need half a sweater," Kanaya chokes out, jade tears dripping from her eyes as she struggles not to burst out laughing.

Eridan's face is violet with rage and his hands shake. At this point, every bit of Karkat's self restraint is being used not to laugh himself.

"What are you Maryams playin at! This is _not_ funny, oh god, I can't even…You! This is just," he sputters.

"Oh, Eridan!" Kanaya gasps. "It really is humorous, just calm down and think about it."

"Really, what's up with all the passive aggressive jibes from her? Am I wrong to assume everyone's sweater is equally horrendous and offensive?" Karkat asks, a few chuckles leaving his lips.

Kanaya shakes her head. "No, she went out of her way to ensure they were, in fact."

"Kar, don't you dare laugh at this! You are not nearly concerned enough for my well bein, I could have serious trauma an emotional scarrin," Eridan says, pouting.

"I'm sure it doesn't hold a candle to your physical scarring," Rose says, and Kanaya doubles over in a fit of hysterics.

"Eridan, please don't be mad, I didn't make them, Porrim did! And let's remember this was not a one-sided incident," Kanaya says with a pointed look.

He blushes and quickly says, "Yeah yeah, I know, ok, whatever. I'll even wear the damn thing if you never bring that little mishap up again Maryam, oh god, how many times am I gonna have to bribe you?"

"Maybe a couple more. The wine you gave her last time was delicious," Rose says.

"You two are impossible! Fine, see if you get anythin from me tomorrow," Eridan says.

"Ok, ok, let's calm the fuck down. You three: out of my hive, now. I'll be seeing you enough tomorrow, I have stuff to do," Karkat says.

"I'll bet you do," Dave says as he walks out the door.

"Shut up, Strider, that's not what I meant and you fucking know it, you insufferable pri-" Karkat's rant is cut off as Dave slams the door, shouting,

"Later Vantas, fishface!"

Once their gone, Karkat sinks onto the couch with a sigh, massaging his temples.

In the kitchen, Eridan finds a half eaten cookie on the counter.

"Kar, what is this disgustin rubbish doin on the table?"

Karkat groans and flops onto his back.

"Don't even ask."

He's already getting a headache, and they haven't even had the party yet. Karkat rolls onto his side_. This holiday stuff is insane._


	2. Chapter 2

The following evening, just as they are about to head to Aradia's hive for the party, their phone rings.

"Hello?" Eridan says. He scowls, saying, "You can't tell me what to do!" His face goes a little pale. "Um…ok, yeah, I'll tell him. See you soon."

He turns to Karkat, eyes wide. "That was Porrim. She says she knows we aren't wearin her sweaters, an if we don't she's gonna, um, well her exact words were, 'make you celibate as Kankri'."

Karkat wrinkles his nose in discomfort. "Well, let's change."

When they arrive, the party is already in full swing.

"Nice crop top fishdick," Sollux says, running into them as soon as they walk in.

"You know I look good Sol, not everyone could pull this off. If I were you I wouldn't be talkin, what's yours even supposed to mean?" Eridan asks.

On Sollux's yellow sweater, the word 'stupid' is embroidered. It's clear why when Latula bounces over with Mituna, her sweater bearing the same message, his reading 'I'm with stupid'.

"It's not even witty or original," Sollux complains.

"Don't even whine to me Sol, I don't wanna hear it," Eridan says.

"Karkat!"

Karkat cringes, turning around slowly. He forces a toothy smile onto his face. "Hi, Kankri!" He says.

Kankri beams at him, arms crossed over his chest, everything in his expression reading smug. "At last, you have shed your ridiculous and immature shell of grey. Though I must express my sympathies for this…unfortunate wardrobe choice being forced upon you. I was similarly displeased, but I think you'll find it preferable to your former attire."

"Um. Yeah, I'm sure I will. Sure, nice seeing you Kankri, I've got to go find…um, Nepeta," Karkat says.

Kankri is left standing alone, until a voice says from behind him,

"Watcha doing over here all alone?" Cronus saunters over in a plain purple sweater.

"Oh, nothing at the moment, I was just about to…is that it? I don't mean to express surprise, but I honestly thought she'd be a little more…creative with your garments."

Cronus winces, saying, "Nah, me and Maryam are tight. What do you say we go get something to drink, eh?"

Kankri follows him into the kitchen, and can't help a quiet giggle when he sees the words, 'mistletoe won't help me' embroidered on Cronus's back.

In the kitchen, Rufioh and Damara are currently attempting to see who can chug the most eggnog before being sick. Judging from the brown flush spreading over Rufioh's cheeks and the way his eyes are starting to cross, it's not going to be him.

"Nitram, don't you dare throw up in my kitchen! Actually I don't really care, as long as I don't have to clean it up," Aradia says.

Rufioh runs for the sink and heaves to the collective cheers and sounds of disgust from the small crowd. Damara just smirks and finishes her drink.

In the living room, Kurloz sits with Meulin on his lap, watching some Christmas specials. That's where Karkat finds Nepeta, curled up next to the fireplace with Equius. He decides not to disturb them, and instead looks for Eridan. He bumps into him in the hallway.

"Watch where you're- oh, hey, I was looking for you," Karkat says.

Eridan waggles his eyebrows at Karkat, smirking, but Karkat can see the blush in his face.

"Well, I think you ran into me in the right place. You sure do get your timin' right."

"What are you…" Karkat trails off as he follows Eridan's gaze to the ceiling.

"We are not seriously going to partake in this cliché. Even I won't sink that low, and I'm a sucker for that stuff," Karkat says. He's watched enough human holiday movies by now to know what mistletoe means.

"I know you are," Eridan says, before leaning down and catching Karkat's lips, which are still slightly parted as his words have barely left his mouth.

Karkat wraps his arms around Eridan's neck, pulling him down closer, and they nearly topple to the ground with their unbalanced weight. Eridan's lips are cold and soft against Karkat's warm chapped ones, and it's just like in his movies until the catcalls and whistles start up in the living room.

"Ok, shut up, party's over!" Karkat shouts at them.

"Aw, Kar, come on," Eridan says.

"No! I'm not kissing you with those creeps watching! No promises about later though," Karkat adds quietly at the end. The way Eridan's eyes light up is comical, but also endearing in an eager sort of way. Karkat likes to think of it like that, anyway.

Over in the kitchen, the couple has been giving another Ampora ideas. He's been standing there, rooted to the spot for a little while now, and no one's approached him until-

"Hey, what are you even doing over here? Would you mind getting out of the way, I need to-" Dirk stops dead in his tracks as he looks into Cronus's face, at his smirk and lowered eyelids. "Oh hell no."

"Oh hell yes. You know the rules better than I do, being a human and all. You're not going to deny me this cultural experience, are you Strider? It's my first Christmas after all," Cronus says.

"Nope, not happening," Dirk says, walking away.

Cronus pulls him in and plants a sound kiss on the poor boy's lips. Dirk tries to push him away- his lips are slimy and vaguely reminiscent of a fish, which is what Dirk had suspected.

"Let go of me, man, you smell like tuna."

"Do not! Listen here you little brat-"

Before he can go on, Dirk pulls him back for another kiss, before socking him in the jaw. "There. You wanted the full human experience, and I think you've got it now. You're welcome." And with that he walks away.

Cronus stares after him in shock, his hand traveling from his swollen jaw to his tingling lips. He smiles and goes to look for Porrim. He can't wait to tell her what a joke this sweater is.

As the night progresses, Karkat finds himself on the couch with Eridan sprawled over his lap, sound asleep.

"How can you even be comfortable right now?" Karkat says to the sleeping boy.

"Looks like he's all tuckered out! The party's starting to slow down anyway; you need help getting him to the car?" Aradia asks.

"No, I think I've got him," Karkat says. He drags Eridan into his arms and promptly drops him back onto the couch.

"Holy sopor-eating wrigglers," Karkat hisses. "Ok, he is going on a diet."

Aradia giggles. "I think you woke him up."

"Kar? What time is it, where are we? Oh crap did somethin happen," Eridan mumbles.

"No, nothing happened; we're at Aradia's party. We're going home now, come on."

Aradia walks them outside, waving. "This was fun, thanks for coming boys! See you soon; you're going to Rose's to open gifts tomorrow right?"

"Yeah, thanks Aradia, merry…human holidays." Karkat says.

"Bye Megido, happy winter holiday human party thing," Eridan yells.

"Shut up Eridan, you're drunk, go to sleep. Actually don't, or I'll have to drag your ass through the snow," Karkat says.

"Drunk? Kar I didn't even drink, I'm just tired," Eridan says, yawning.

"Whatever, fishface."

When they get home Eridan immediately climbs into bed, snuggling under the covers. After winning the game and creating their new universe, the horrorterrors had stopped plaguing the troll's dreams, and so most of them retired their recuperacoons, preferring human beds. Karkat and Eridan still had one, but it was rarely used, mostly just when one of them was sick.

"Eridan that's gross, get in the shower or something, at least change," Karkat says.

Eridan mumbles something indecipherable and shoves his face into the pillow. Karkat just sighs and changes into a t-shirt and pajama pants before climbing in next to him.

"I'm cold Eridan. Do something about it," Karkat says.

Eridan rolls over and tucks Karkat against his belly.

Karkat sighs again. "Ok, not really what I had in mind…this is nice though. Didn't you want to continue what we started under the mistletoe? You sure looked like you did, and now you're just- Eridan, are you even listening? Oh my god you're asleep. Whatever chum breath, fine," Karkat says.

A couple moments later, Eridan mumbles against Karkat's hair, "Merry human holidays Kar,"

"Merry human holidays to you too, douchefins."

The next day Karkat is awakened by lips pressed against his neck.

"Good mornin sleepin beauty," Eridan mumbles against his skin.

He moves to kissing Karkat's lips, tangling his hands in the Cancer's hair. Karkat skims his fingers light as a feather over the slits of the gills on Eridan's neck, making him shiver and press his lips more insistently against Karkat's, moving his fingers to massage his nubby horns. Karkat melts, but flinches when Eridan moves so the warm blanket is lifted off them and the cold air hits their bodies.

Karkat gently pushes Eridan off of him.

"Kar," he whines.

"Not now, brush your teeth or something, god. It's freezing and you're still wearing your clothes from last night." Karkat quickly goes into the bathroom, closing the door to Eridan's complaining.

"You fuckin tease," he hears Eridan grumble. "Of course it's cold, that's what I was tryin to fix."

Once he's showered and changed, he goes out to the kitchen to make them some breakfast. He hears the shower start to run as he opens their cupboards to look for some food. There isn't much by way of breakfast save for a whole shelf of coffee, so he just makes some of that.

"You took all the hot water Karkat," Eridan says, walking into the kitchen.

"Exactly."

"You're evil, Vantas, are you ever gonna quit playin?" Eridan says as he walks out into the living room, sitting down on the couch.

"Shut up, you've been spoiled enough without me making it worse."

"Whatever Kar, just leave me neglected like you left Fin-" Karkat hears a loud thud in the living room, and rushes out to see Eridan has fallen off the sofa and is crawling towards the table.

"What the ever living fu-"

"Karkat! Is that- I think Fin's a zombie!"

Karkat facepalms. "No, you idiot, and get off the floor! Shows how much you care, you can't even tell the difference between your pets."

"You bought a new one?" Eridan says. He looks up at Karkat with shining puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah, you know, I figured we've had enough time to mourn. Plus I was tired of seeing you stare at the empty bowl like it's your lusus' grave or something."

Eridan just stares into the bowl enraptured.

"So what are you going to name him…her…it?" Karkat asks.

"Finley."

"Eridan, that's horrible, you cannot name the replacement fish after the dead one!"

"Finley is not a replacement; he's his own unique person. That was a really rude remark Kar."

"No, that's just sick. But whatever, it's your pet. Which means you're going to feed it, not me. And I mean actually feed it, not just throw it crumbs from the kitchen when you remember."

Eridan pouts, saying, "Are you implying I forgot to feed Finley the First? That hurts Vantas."

Karkat rolls his eyes. "Whatever. Here's your other, way shittier present," he says, handing Eridan a poorly wrapped lump.

"What is this supposed to be?" Eridan says.

"It's just a lump of paper, psych, I didn't actually have another gift for you. What do you think it is, open it!"

"Oh yeah, sure. Here's your stuff too," Eridan says, handing Karkat a rectangular package and a small card.

Karkat opens the larger one first, and Eridan starts snickering at the look on his face.

"That one's actually from me an Sol. He thought you'd appreciate it," Eridan says.

It's a book entitled Coding for Dummies, but someone has crossed out the word dummies in sharpie and written, "iincompetent a22hole2" in its place.

"Wow, what great friends I have, so thoughtful and compassionate it makes my blood pusher want to rip out of my chest! Tell Sollux he can just go-"

"Calm down, it's just a joke. I know you're the best computer programmer," Eridan says.

"Your flattery will get you nowhere, Ampora. Now open my horrible gift."

Eridan rips into the paper while Karkat neatly slips open the envelope to find two movie tickets.

"Ok, this is actually pretty sweet of you," he says, blushing a little. "How'd you know I even wanted to see this?" Karkat says. When he looks up he sees Eridan looping a lumpy red and purple scarf around his neck. It looks absolutely hideous, but a little smile is tugging at his lips.

"Oh Kar, you shouldn't have," he croons.

"You better like it; I stabbed my fingers so many times making that thing I thought they were going to have to be amputated. Kanaya wouldn't stop laughing at me," Karkat says, his face burning.

"It's so pretty! Thank you! Ok, hurry up and get ready, I'm wearin this when we go see your movie," Eridan says.

"No, I will not be seen with you wearing that disaster in public."

"But you made it! Vantas, if I've got to sit through one more romantic train wreck of a comedy, I'm wearin whatever I want."

Karkat heaves a sigh. "Fine, sure. Maybe it'll blind everyone around us so there won't be a line."

Eridan shuffles back over to the couch next to Karkat, planting a little kiss on his cheek.

"Merry human holidays, Karkat."

Karkat pulls him in by the scarf and locks their lips.

They are so involved they don't notice when Dave knocks, then opens the door.

"Hey guys, Rose wanted to know if you're coming to her- oh. Oh god, wow, I'm out. You're obviously busy, so never mind, you're uninvited."

They only look up when he slams the door, sending an avalanche of snow toppling from the roof and onto his head. They decide it's not worth investigating- it's just a little too cold to go outside right now.

**Author's Notes**/ Ok this was stupid & really silly, but it's time for the holidays here so I just wanted some domestic fluff. Any constructive criticism is always welcome.


End file.
